the aftermath.

I should be in a food coma right now, but I'm trying hella hard to stay up cause I'm heading to Target in a few hours. Usually I'd say fuck Black Friday & all that, but my motivation is so that this laptop of mine doesn't crash cause I need that portable hard drive that's gona be on sale for $88. Supposed to wake my mom up before we bounce so yaddayaddaya. I wanna hit up Jersey Gardens too cause they're having a 40% off sale at one of the stores I shop at. Yesssir. I wanna get some jeans & some tops and whatever else my mom could get me. Yayyyyuh! :)

Thanksgiving was good! The parents cooked of course.. made some collared greens w/ ham (which is one of my absolute faaaves even though my shit comes out nasty as hell the next day - ahah i know i know eeew) & all the typical white Thanksgiving dishes. We don't do the whole Filipino Thanksgiving deal with Filipino food which is one of the things I love about my fams. It's the one day we get on that typical all-American family status which always ends up being deelish! Unfortunately for my parents, I was a grumpster the whole day. Shrug as to why but I'm sure it annoyed the hell outta them. Whatevs - love you mom&dad, ahah.

Ohhh ! so the whole family is talking & my Tito Jhigs asks me about what kinda dudes I'm into. So I say "Mmm, I like black guys! *laughs*" & the everyone's laughing like "hahah yeah okay she's just saying that to fuck around" type & he goes to yell for my mom: "ROOOSE! Did you hear that!?" Mind you I had just brought the whole what if I went out with a black guy scenario with my mom a couple days ago in which she reacted well to (even though she said "if possible, Filipino..." so it wasn't a complete shock. Well she just snickered and said "Ayyyy Ren! Ang liit liit mo at ang laki laki nila!" (Translation: Ayyyy Ren! You're so small & they're SOOO big!" & now the whole family is helllla crackin up and I'm not completely shocked cause my mom's been on point with the jokes lately & then she goes "Unless that's what you like..." WTF LMAO my mom's crazies. I mean, this is the woman who put "I'm the turkey" on the turkey in the fridge this year. Come on now.. ahahah.

Anyway prior to this all, I was hella thinking about Cali & how I miss itttt so much. As gay as this sounds, I've been day dreaming about it - real talk. Closing my eyes type & imagining it. Imagining myself drive down Sweetwater Road & passing by Super Sergios and shit even driving on Otay Lakes Road passing by Southwestern. I miss the weather, my babies, my famz, the atmosphere.. everything. :[ I wish I could go back for winterbreak, pero no tengo dinero. Zaaamn. I'm thinking maybe springbreak, but fsho I'll definately need to start saving up if that's what I wanna do. I'm really feeling like I left my heart in San Diego maaayne. =(

Arrighty, maybe I'll take a quick nap. I've got a long day ahead of me! Shopping, haircut, eyebrows, etc etc, Club Cache with allll my Willy P heads & whoever else is rollin thru. This should be fun. :) Haiiiights peaceezy!

thankful.

Everyone knows the holiday season kick off is on Thanksgiving, but I feel like these last few months have given me lots to be thankful for. (Not saying the other months haven't but jewknoww haha) I feel like emotionally I've experienced a lot in these last few months & I wouldn't be where I am without the people who helped me get out of that emotional rut. Therefore I am truly thankful for those who were there for me. They've helped me realize a whole lotta shit about myself & about other people.

I'm especially thankful for the people who brought me down to only for me to realize who would be there to bring me back up. I'm thankful for the people who keep me up with laughter & smiles with AND moreso times without rounds of shots & cans of beer. :) I don't wanna single anyone out cause then this whole competition bullshit of who is closer to my heart comes up, but to be reall general lovelovelove to my family, my breast, h2o, jsb|ljsb, my deeephers & all the people who love to see me fall only for others to bring me back up again. So from the bottom of my heart & all of my being, I thank you all.

& yeah, I'm blessed to have a roof over my head, food to eat (even though I'm picky as hell) & all the material things people usually are thankful for. *rolls eyes* This Thanksgiving, it's all about my peoples & I'm feeling truly blessed. =)

this blows.

Hellllla wanted to take one for the team tonight, but fucccck. I think it's mission failed & I think that means I'm drinking up top. DAMMETTTT! This blows.

3 weeks man, 3 weeks. HAHA. Stuck in rut so get me outta it! =\ Anyway, update this later. peaceezy.

male libido recession?

ANONYMOUS: you know what i realized what a pet peeve of mine is now
ANONYMOUS: pple who have the opportunity to have sex but that dont do it

I FEELS HER! It's like the male libido is going through a recession also. Wtfcks going on?! Haha I mean you'd think it'd be the dude feenin more than the girl is, but looks like girls are going after it more. It's like the female race has taken that trait of aggression. & the dudes just turned straight PUSSY. Am I wrong or am I wrong!? Everyone knows that feeling. Homegirls feenin so she tries to get at her homie. He doesn't respond so its like "Ohdaaamn what the fuck?" I mean, real talk. Its happened & who hasn't laughed & hella clowned on their girl other about it saying how the guy must be gay & could ever turn down sex?! Come on.. SEX! Hahah, I mean not that they actually do text back saying "Oh no not tonight" or whatever; but maybe there isn't a text back. Just doesn't make sense. Oh fuck it, the male libido IS going through a recession & the female libido isn't even making bank. Lose lose situation. Hellla thumbs down, lol.

Shalane made me realize something about myself the other day. She's been saying how I have such high expectations & blahblahblah and I always tell her I don't. But we were talking about certain situations in our lives & how all my firsts were good. (ie. first kiss, first cuddle experience, first toy, first hug, first lipgloss, first wink, first cup -- okay I'm making shit up here to fill in for what we were really talking about which is probably really obvious right now haha) That's when I realized, "Shiiiiiit." It's because all my firsts have been so great, I hold such high expecations. I've then experienced my seconds & of course, get hella disappointed cause I think it's gona like the first time. Thumbs down(!) & nosireebob. It hella sucks on my part cause then it's hard to be content in some aspects. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LIFE! But like I said, there's some aspects in life that need tweaking cause of all these bangin ass firsts of mine. HAHA. Fuckkk man. Life just knows how to kick my ass. :) sarcasm on the smile on myface*

I kinda decided this awhile ago & have mentioned to some people, but one day I'ma marry a football player (or ex-football player). Like linebacker status.. or shoot any type of big defensive player. HAHA I mean I'd probably be funny standing next to him but whatevs. I decided that this is what's happening & it will happen! Siiiike, we'll see. Thought I should just throw that in there. But okaaay. That is all. Peaceeezy beezies!<3

upset.

People are so fucked up these days. Doing & saying shit to make themselves better than the next person. No, I'm not talking about some dog eat dog business world type bullshit. Nah not that kinda stuff. More like you're both sitting there wondering about a person, but you (person a) got the bigger balls to ask the question & then she dogs on you (person a) like you're the dumb one when you're then one trying to find answers cause it was BOTH OF YOU who didn't know the answers. Am I making sense? Oh oh and then you have the balls to say some unnecessary shit like "Oh you're just mad cause... " Come the fuck on. & you know.. It's real friends who will tell you the shit you DON'T wanna hear. It's real friends who will be the most honest with you -- wouldn't you rather hear it from us than someone else?! I mean, unless you don't consider us your real friends. Fuck maaaan. I see this whole thing as grimey. Hella uppreciative bitches these days. Yeah you may say you appreciate the things people say/do for you but hello - actions speak louder than words so watch yourself.

Aside from this bull, life has been bueno. Friday was dope. Sat real goood with my sisters then crossed 6 new women! Yayyuh! So excited to finally call them my sisters. :) Stopped by Sonics on the way home which was yumyums. My mom took me shopping at Jersey Gardens when I got home, but I unfortunately was too tired to shop - who would've thought!? Still nded up getting 4 shirts & then just passed tf out on one of the benches while she went off to shop on her own. Thumbs down for trying to have a mother/daughter bonding session & passing out. :[

When I got home (b t dubs, this all happened on Sat), my broski, Adrian & Jasper were waiting for me so we could hit up the FIND afterparties in S. Plainfield. Ended up waiting for Miron, Steph, Jay, Irwin & his cuz Kyle to roll through to my house and then headed to the Liquor Locker to pick up some 40s - yayayyyuh then headed to the Holiday Inn where everyone was chillen for the night. Kicked it in KringKring's room til everyone got back from FIND. It was chill as hell & then hellla random as niggas (literally) started comin in and we were like wtf? Lol, whatevs. Started making moves around the hotel & saw hellllla people I haven't seen in literally days! From what I remember - I started off in Cris' room to pee, got separated from my boys & then I happened to bump into Marc & followed him to Boysie's room to chill. Met this girl's bro(!) - hella small world. Too bad I forget his name. Called the broski & JSB down to pick some shit up from some chick & then Irwin happened to know her so it was like hodaaamn? Headed out to Adrian's car where we beaner styled 6 niggas in his small ass car. After that I couldn't take so cooped up in there so I sat in Ben's car til I saw some S. Plainfield niggas! Salaam (sp?), Tom & James! I seriously don't know what happened after that. Well, I kinda have an idea but not in the order that I think it happened? Haha I know that I lit up again with J & that shit was dope . OH & who could forget drinking in the bathroom with Teptep? You know that shit don't get no better. HAHA who tf hides in a stall & takes swigs from 40s & Capt. Morgan?! Bahaha we craazies. Towards the end of the night I know that me & Matt had a talk that seemed like it was madd deep, but I don't think it was lol. He kept singing " we maaajor we maajor!" But yeah overall it was a bangin night! I know that I was mumbling mad shit on the way home but yee. Twas a goodnight fsho. :)

Definitely a weekend full of celebrating. Celebrating what? Can't quite mention it, but yeah. Bittersweet to say the least. Real bittersweet. The beginning of this week was Deepher Dude. That was dope cuz mad people came out to support & we raised $550 - almost double of what we got last year. The tonight we had TKE Sweetheart & my pledgemama #2 won! I'm so proud of her! :) Yayyy mama#2 Alyssa! :)

Don't really wanna end this on a sour note, but whaaatevs! I haaate when dudes text/IM you online then you see 'em in person & you get the "i'ma pretend like I don't even know you" kinda look then when you part ways they do the same shit again. Helllo? You're mad lame bro! Hahah okiedokes. Peaceeeezy!

christmas materialism.

I made my Christmas list. My bad on the materialism. I'll update later.

-- white nintendo ds lite.
-- cooking mama 2 for ds.
-- black shiny quilted bowler by marcjacobs @ the special items store in soho. :]
-- chocolate or muscade/nutmeg colored le pliage longchamp tote bag.
-- the queens r kings 2 t-shirt by jeepney (sz xl).
-- unisex purple acid wash pullover hoody from american apparel (sz xl).
-- unisex bright orange bat wing hoody from american apparel.
-- unisex flourescent coral highlighter california fleece zip hoody from american apparel (sz xl).
-- black powerstretch northface gloves (sz xs).
-- dance lesson here >> Melekini Polynesian Dance Studio.

ramblings.

Still feeling like crap. Been resting a whole lot & playing Tetris on Facebook (when facebook is working. Willy P has the worst i-net connection ever). I don't get how Gerard cleared 40 lines in a minute & a half; mine's 2 mins & 27seconds. :[ Hahah whatevs. Hoopsmania was last night. Willy P stays poppin - no pun intended please, lol. I love how everyone gets mad hyped up & shit. Even all the puti people(!), although they should chill sometimes cause it's like oh heyllll no you better not be doin that shit here at Willy P, hahah. This school is mad black. I love it and always will so of course I was in heaven. =P Dudes were lookin too good foreal. Maaan, too good lol. OH and of course I saw manigga TYRONE. Don't think he saw me but whatevs. That woulda been totally awkward turtle, whoops haha.

Anyone see Usher's Trading Places video? Tell me that isn't the hottest thing you've seen?! HOMAAAN. Like at 1:25, 2:05, 2:56 -- especially 3:52 the way they get all breathy on each other. *SIGH.. so hot. I think everything we've/I've talked about this week is sex related. Feening much? SIIIIKE. I'm just saying. so hot. So so hot. ;] Anyway, don't feel like typing a whole lot, so I'll entertain with pictures all from the past few week(s).

Here's my brandspankin new legit LJSB fitted. Yeee, yee! Not that I really rock fitteds. Eh, scratch that. I don't rock fitteds but you know. Had to get it for the fratority - however we're calling this brother/sister/family+hood. SUP JSB|LJSB?! Left hand stays legit, soowoosoowoo !

I was up on my mommy status on Sunday & made some monkey munch. Idk if anyone can recall, but Kate Gosselin (from Jon & Kate plus 8) makes it for her children. It's hella good! I mean, I especially love it cause I love peanutbutter & chocolate together. :) It was really easy & foolproof, just a little messy. One of these days I wanna make a specialty version of it using Nutella. Mmm, I can only imagine how that'll taste. Yummmyyy!

Last but not least! One of my biffs Shalane writes for the Beacon & she usually puts little things that my rooommie & I say into her articles when she asks for our opinions. Two weeks ago, she asked me the above question. I couldn't think of anything til I remembered, "Duh! Education!" So I said what I said & of course forgot about it. Welllll, I didn't think she was gona really put in what I said but she did and when I finally saw it two days ago, I was helllla laughing! Only I would say that but yeah it was funnies. There was a picture of a girl above me who had mentioned something that seemed intellectual. Jenny said that her picture (I guess cause the girl didn't look so great) made it seem like what she said, is what I would've said. Intellectual & meaningful. But what I said is what the girl woulda said - mad raw. HAHA. Well whatever cause I am who I am. Renee-Rose maadapaka Garcia. :)

continued misery.

So by the sounds of my schedule, I'm fucking myself in the ass. Of course at 2 in the morning I have this surge of motivation that will probably only last through my dreams while I'm sleeping tonight, up until the millisecond before I wake up. I'm planning on retaking General Bio & Anatomy & Physiology (cause I bombed them), Basic Italian I (decided to completely restart on my languages cause I definitely fucked up & thought that placing into a higher Spanish was gona be better when duh, it obviously isn't), hopefully Social Psych online (if I get the clearance which I hope I willl!) & one more class, preferably another Psych class. It'll end up being 17 credits but '7' classes. AHHHHFACK. What am I getting myself into!? =T To add onto that,I'm planning on taking Music Appreciation during the winter to get my GPA up so that I'll be a little more set just in case there's any chance at all of me going to San Jose State next Spring. I need to stay on my grind f'sho. Start praying for me already! Bahahahh. Siiike not funny. ;[

Anyway, the 80% Greek event we had was okay. This speaker Nick Zuniga came & talked to us about how we should go about our Greekness around campus & how to better promote ourselves. It wasn't anything I haven't heard before so eh. I was pretty much miserable through the whole thing (& still am) cause my nose was stuffy & I kept coughing. ARGH idk where this sudden nose action came from. It's so annoying and I know I'm gona wake up tomorrow morning with madd clear boogies running outta my nose. Grosss haha.

OH & went to Mitsuwa with H2O today/yesterday - whatevs! Ate lunch & just talked for awhile.. mostly about h2o's favorite topic - sex! HAHA. We have the most interesting .. situations foreal! Got creamyakis then walked across the street to get some more paper stars. Got myself a Keroppi notepad & wallet too! So cute. :) Walked back to Mitsuwa and bought some random stuffs then headed back to campus. Good day. Very.. tasteful. Hahhh! I think me & the rooomie are going back later with Ash cause she wishes she was Asian & wants to get up on her Asian-ness. What a loser, lol. OH & one more thing.. FACEBOOK DOESN'T WORK ON CAMPUS?! Wtfcks going on!? Gaaaah! It's so sad to say that we're so addicted but jewwwknow, it's hard! Hahah maybe it's for the better. *Shrug.. Wellll, off to bed I go. Peasss!

misery.

Estoy muy miserable! My allergies are hella acting up for no reason. I keep sneezing & my nose is running as if the muscles in my nose just gave up and were like 'go faucet status on her!' Haha, ohhthis blows. Have to be at this 80% Greek event tonight but I feel like I'm dying. I can barely keep my eyes open cause I've been sneezing & blowing my nose so much. Not sure why the connection but you know when you stay sneezing & it just fucks it all up? Yeeeah, that's how I feel. Hopefully it won't run for forever days just so I could finalllly get up in bed cause I only had like.. 4 hours of sleep last night cause I was studying for my politics exam which I probably Hiroshima bombed. Whatevs on that. Random but.. I wanna get a new tongue ring cuz the one in my mouth is hella long. This needs to full heal though but it's taking foreverdays cause I keep playing with it. I can't help but play with it; it's naaature to do so! ER I'll update this again later. Peaceeezy.

eventual nostalgia.

Being at such a good place in my life right now scares me so much. I'm scared to be this happy cause I'm scared something bad is gona happen. I mean, I'll just have to roll with the punches but it just freaks me out. Its as if I'm waiting for that one day when everything is just gonna come crashing down. But you know what? I shouldn't have to feel like it's just gona come crashing down. I shouldn't think about it crashing down period. I should live each & every day to the fullest & happiest capacity. It's not gonna be all blue skies & sunny; I'm gonna just have to take my umbrella out and deal with the cloudy skies & rain that will eventually come my way. Live for the moment & put aside the thoughts of "Maybe I'll get fucked over tomorrow." Yeah.. YEEEEAH ! :)

Anyway, yesterday (er Friday) while I was waiting for Ben to get outta work I bumped into Thenegard & his brother Claude! I went to elementary school with Then & we were always tight til we went to separate high schools. Barely saw each other through HS but when we did [see each other], it was still like nothing changed. He seemed like he was in a rush so we exchanged numbers, said we should chill & said temporary goodbyes. Then Ben got outta work & I mentioned that I saw them so he went to go say hi and we stuck around & talked for a bit. Still the same old crazy Thenegard! Forever tellin people "YO, she's mad chill! Renee's my girrrl!" HAHA & of course this time around was no different. Looks like he got a good head on his shoulders, doing the nursing thing. STILL wants to be a doctor like back in the day. Shoooot, I applaud him for that no lie. At least one of us really knows where we wanna be at.! =X Hella made me laugh when he was tellin us 'bout some girl who kept blowin up his phone but was like "Yo when it comes to other girls its like fuckkk them, Renee's my girl foreal." I really appreciate our friendship & I'm glad we still got it like that even though we haven't seen each other since (well okay the ChopFest but that barely counts cause we were both drunk lol) forever. Hopefully I'll get to kick it with him soon cause zaaAamn it sure has been awhile! =)

OH & hella kawawa face cause Fusion-Ti is closing! I mean yeah it'll still be there, but it isn't the Fusion that we all grew up and kicked it at. In HS it used to be a hardcore kickit spot til.. we slowly grew up & then it had Edison enforced an 11pm curfew put on it instead of the open til late as hell early morning hours & yaddayaddaya. Major thumbs down! Its like throwing away a box of old notes from friends and just slowly letting go of the memories - HAHA as cheesy as that sounds. But real talk, RIP Fusion-Ti!

doing me.

Not really sure why I started another one of these. Maaaaybe cause the actual xanga I have on the side is a little more "private" to me? Of course that makes no sense because anything on the web isn't so much private, but whatevs!

Anyway, so what's good with MY life? Pretty much everything! Well not so much GOOD GOOD but I've been pretty content with the way things have been going in the last few months. I mean obviously there are days where it's not as good as the previous, but I'm content. Nothing SUUUPER BAD although, I do feel like it's a crime for everything to be going this.. well & for me to feel this content. It's as if I'm waiting for something rrrreally bad to happen, but it's good that I've been trying to maintain a positive mindframe, nahmean?

School has been okay. I'm getting through, but I need that extra push. I really wanna be an exchange student somewhere (specifically SAN JOSE STATEEE! =DD), but my grades aren't quite up to par with the subpar requirements. I'm not proud to say that I'm not up on those requirements but whatevs. I blame it on taking BIO my first semester in college only to realize that being a chem major isn't what I wanted to really be & then of course pledging the following fall.. Oh pledging.. It'll take me how many more semesters to recover from that big fall, but I will slowly but surely make it back up.

My social life has been dope! Every weekend is something different. I've met hella new people which only means more homies to kickback with. :) Trying to balance the school+play deal & that's been working out. My sorority sisters & I have been bueno! Honest to God, I never thought I'd say I love it (compared to last semester, ayyy) - but I do. They're dope ! Loves it. I do miss my pledgesisters though. =T I miss spending like 24/5 (hahah) with them running around all craaazy. *sigh. I did see my Tbonkski last week but it was just different. It felt as if I was "just another person" to her & that just... killed me. =T JSB is the bomb as always. My mom's always asking why I'm always with the boys but it's like duhhh. I don't have any homegirls from..